It's been a Year

It has been A YEAR since Vero and I landed at the La Crosse airport after traveling 30+ long hours from Uganda.  Vero's first travel experience was quite the adventure.  Though it's been a year, I remember it clearly.  We started the day off by saying goodbye to some of the missionaries at GSF.  It had rained the night before, making the red clay roads muddy and a bit treacherous.  As we traveled I prayed that the car wouldn't get stuck in the mud like the huge farm equipment we had seen stranded along our route.  We arrived safely at our first destination - Watoto Church.  We made our way through the metal detectors and under the enormous white tent.  We found a place to sit near the back which was good because I started crying when the first song began and tears proceeded to roll down my cheeks the. entire. service. I made a complete spectacle of myself - the only muzungo in a sea of dark faces with a little Ugandan girl at my side and it that wasn't eye catching enough, I was weeping.  I can't explain why exactly, I was just overwhelmed by all that we had been through and all the unknown yet to come.  And then there was something so powerful and humbling about singing Chris Tomlin's worship songs on the other side of the world.  We sang the song, "Your Grace is Enough".  Here are some of the words:  

"Great is your love and justice, God

You use the weak to lead the strong

You lead us in the song of your salvation

And all your people sing along.

Remember Your people,

 Remember Your children

Remember Your promise, oh God.

Your grace is enough....for me."

I was begging God to remember me, remember us, equip us in the biggest transition of our lives and praying that somehow, some way it would all be used for His glory.

I finally pulled myself together and we left the worship service.  We had some time to kill so we went to the Entebbe Zoo.  Vero had never seen so many animals and didn't know quite what to do with it all.  She was not a fan of being close to the animals and wanted nothing to do with the camel rides or the monkeys that were running around all over the grounds.  But she did enjoy watching the orangutans, and of course was happy to get a snack (we did a lot of bonding over food those first few weeks and months).  Finally it was time to hear to the airport to catch our midnight flight.   

Even though it was getting late, she refused to sleep. Her face didn't give it away, but her alertness revealed her excitement about riding on a plane.  For hours she look expectantly out the window.  We got through the luggage check, then security and finally to the dreaded immigration desk.  After some fuss and panic over paperwork we were finally able to get through to our gate.  The flight was delayed and by the time we got on the plane it was nearly 1:00 am.  We took our seats and buckled up, but before the plane took off, Vero finally gave in to her tired state and fell asleep.  When we landed in London, Vero spent much of our 3-4 hour layover watching planes take off every two minutes.  She was loving the traveling and only tried to walk off with random strangers once. Ha!

Finally, after one more excruciating layover, we arrived in La Crosse and walked into the arms of our family and friends.

And now, it's a year later.  I'm not going to lie.  During these last 12 months we have faced very real heartaches and challenges.  While the "coming home" pictures are beautiful and precious, the reality is that meshing together two different worlds, six personalities and lots of unmet expectations has been tough. For all of us.  I've learned a lot about myself.  Not all of it has been good.  I recently saw a post on an adoption Facebook group that I can completely relate to: 

Just think, without adoption we would have believed we were still good parents.  We would have been able to look at ourselves and not see the really ugly mess hidden under the surface.  Some people live their whole lives without discovering the beastly parts of their parenting, never knowing it's in there, deep inside under the surface. God has chosen to bless us by revealing the dark things we never thought we were capable of feeling/doing through adoption.  We may be surprised by the way we feel or the way we respond, but God isn't.  He knew we were capable of this the whole time.     

It seems weird to think of a mirror that reveals the ugliest parts of you as a blessing, but it has been.  By being more aware of my mess, our messes, we've experienced so much growth and progress.  While we still have a long way to go - and I know I will continue to mess up daily - God is good and faithful.  He has remembered us.  He has kept his promise.  He has grafted us together as a family.  He is healing brokenness - in my life and in each of the lives of our children. 

In her book, "Kisses from Katie," Katie Davis writes,

"Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced.  Adoption is also difficult and painful.  Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption.  It is the Gospel in my living room.  And sometimes it's just hard."

I am so grateful to the friends and family who have rallied around us in love, practical support, and prayer these past years.  Thank you for being there during the hard times. Thank you for celebrating the good and reminding me of it when I couldn't see it.  Thank you for helping us live out the call of the Gospel right in our living room.